Em (belovedfool) wrote,

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Never to return again, but always in my heart

Yesterday I have mainly forgotten. I know i shouldnt have, but i was just unable to get the computer and partly unwilling so now all is lost. I remember i played ball with Freya the 5 year old who has gorgeous extravagent white ringlets She comforted me on the fact i wasnt catching it with "Its alright, ive been learning for a long time!" and i thought ive been learning even longer. GOD DAMNIT.

Theres some more kiddies.

Ella: Almost a baby, cute as hell. Small, slightly chubby in a adorable way, always smiling and hugging people. Seems to like me.

Helena and Freya: Sisters. H is a bit annoying but sweet enough after a while. 5 yrs old and capable of decent conversation and slight humour. WHOOPEE.

Alicia: Small 2/3 yrs, spiral ginger hair. Seems uninterested but slightly distrustful of me.

Josh: Small young blonde (another one, theres so many!) who is quite sweet. Doesnt do much except smile at me.

Eric: Ginger haired 4 year old. Very intelligent. Cute in clever way. Likes to wear dresses all day from start to end. Proud.

Some ugly kids with fishlips who i avoided. *slurps baked cinnamon apple* OOOWWIEEE it burns.

Guy: A little fairly outgoing boy with tight pale blonde ringlets. Long too. SOO CUTE.

They were all cute. There were some more but they didnt do much, so i wont mention them. Im having a damn wierd convo with david. "Can i have your babies?" As long as we can kill it when it reaches 6. "They taste better when they mature!" Keep your tongue in your half! "If its a girl i want the top half, if its a boy i want the bottom." I always knew it.

Anyway. Today was better, i think its because i know the routine and am not so scared of the kiddies anymore. For some reason i expected them to contradict me or look at me funny or cry - most of the time they just ignore me or smile.

Got in at around 9 and started off to playgroup, generally just grabbing the arm of Josh who looked wobbly, despite his proud protests he was fine. Wandered over, got out the dressing up clothes and wandered back in to find a small ginger kid wandering around in the dress. Isobel (who was wrapped round my legs once more. She might be pretentious, but shes cute) informed me it was 'eric' but i thought i must have misheard. i hadnt.

I helped get more stuff out (yey i know what im doing! kinda...) and then settled down to read Isobel the same story i read her yesterday. Mid way through she got bored, but eric had settled down next to me and was avidly filling in the gaps. I read for about half an hour before i was called by Lynn who asked me to go with Karl and some kids for a music lesson. (Lynn: You can take emily. Karl: No no, its ok, she can stay with you. Lynn: No its fine, really, she can come with you. Karl: Oh are you sure? Dont you want her here?) and with a quick backward glance felt heartbroken because pretty eric was staring after me like i was abandoning him for good. SWEETIE.

Rushed off for music. Helped kiddies take shoes off and played very gay games while desperatly trying to sing and get kiddies to join in. Belatedly realised i should take my own shoes off and hopped off mid way thru ring around the roses to do so. Blah. General chaos and bewilderment. Hastened back to main room for swop round. Eric was still in a dress, and now Daniel was wearing one too and someone else had a mermaid outfit on. I smiled and kidnapped some child (Guy, that was it) to help me put all the rice back into the rice box since isobel had upended the thing.

Guy soon got bored, but Freya came over and we buried each other for a bit yippee. Had juice and biscuits and i actually managed it without much chaos. Soon i was sent to wash up and make myself a hot chocolate. Listened to the noises of foreign people jumping through hoops next door while cheering and playing short bursts of really good piano. Wondered why the kettle was taking so long to boil before remembering it never did and i just had to turn it off. Poured myself choc, realised i only had 10mins to finish, slurped it and scalded myself.

Washed up hastily but thoroughly while trying to regain feeling in mouth, and hurried back to room. Grabbed some kiddies, gulped choc, grabbed some plastic brocolli, splashed cup and started handing out coats. Three kids insisted the same coat was theirs, and after dressing the original one (and removing their dresses) Helena laughed to Lynn "Look emilys put the wrong coat on!" and i had done it twice, originally it was a totally different kiddie's. *sigh*

Eventually escaped for lunch after herding kiddies back to nursery. Met alice, hugged, and couldnt afford lunch so scavenged half of hers by feebly puppy eyeing her and stealing things. Hoho. Wandered down street and bought some cookies and then trundled back to nursery for afternoon. Was told to rearrange two pints of milk that had appeared, so spent a good 10 minutes shifting about everything in the entire fridge to fit them in. Meh.

Played for a bit, cant really remember. Helena and Isobel were reading stories on the slide, and Ella was underneath poking them through the holes. Helena was like "She keeps poking me up the bum!" and i started laughing and they all looked confused but laughed anyway. Twas funny.

Lala. Not fair alice just got pissed at me because she got the wrong idea. *sobsob* Hate it when people do that. She was still pissed too, even after i explained. Mah. If she wasnt reading gay porn she might have noticed the convo she agreed to :P

Anyway. I wandered over and found Ella who was so cute i decided to play with her. Spent ages teaching her how to put dolls drawers into dolls shelves, and then she wanted a go on the swing so i pushed her on that for a while. Then eric wanted a go, so i unloaded Ella and spun him round and he was very brave. Then Sam came over and declares "You need to close your eyes!" and i got paranoid because hes kinda violent, and asked why. "So i can see the purple!" and i remembered i had purple eyeliner on. I obey and he and eric stare like 0_0 and are like awww nice pretty.

Then i push sam on the swing for a bit, then Erics mum comes and hes like "I gotta go" Im like ok bye, can i have a hug? *hold arms out* He smiles shyly and grabs arm "Ill hug your arm!" and he wraps himself around my arm. But sam is like WHEEE and literally throws himself at me. LITERALLY. I roll backwards, dragging eric with me and they both kinda sprawl atop me all limbs hugging me. i was like 'AWW THIS IS SO CUTE!' hehe it really was.

I got free and Helena comes over lugging Ella "She wants you" I hastily grab the poor little thing and plonk her on my lap and curl round her and point at things. Trundle over to play with trains (choochoo!) when suddenly something really hard and painful and overall SOLID whacks my head and the shadows change abrubtly. I have no reflexes so i didnt flinch, but i am slightly surprised to find the parasol now sprawled over the trains. I rub my head, reach round and push the thing back upright with a glare as Karl emerges. "Whats happening?" It fell over. "Oh thats not very good, have to take it down. Everyone ok?" Yeh, it just landed on me. "Oh ok, you saved ellas life!" Hoho. I wander over to sit back down again, thinking maybe i was too concussed for it to hurt.

Jennie compliments me on my ella-hugging hehe, and then its teatime. I grab Eoin who is REALLY HEAVY so i end up shoving him mutely at Karl rather than putting him in the highchair as intended. I swear karl thinks im a bit useless really. I reaarrange the kiddies and smile at them, hand out food CONFIDENTLY because i actually know what im doing. Dispose of some spat out biscuit (aww thankyou joshie thats nice!) and handed out cheese and refilled cups and dragged kiddies around and suchlike.

Whopee! Watched some wallace and gromit, had a convo with Lynn while tidying up (wheee yey i made her laugh whooo) and got out for 5.30. Squee! Ohh i had a ice mocha last night and lots of chocolate covered coffee beans, but i still went to sleep. Shows my immunity to the stuff that affects everyone else. Probably why i cant get drunk. Wouldnt be surprised to find i cant get stoned either.

Ok now david is going on like i have admitted to fancying him (he pretended i did) and is promising to hug me and kiss me and stuff. Kinda scary, but hey. He wouldnt dare. He is also saying he might get a haircut. NOOOOOOOO. I find this amusing. I emailed Mikey too, which is nice to be in contact again. I might be off to a NAGTY summer course right over my birthday for two weeks which will be a downer, but i will have my party afterwards and invite lots of people. I am off to corfu the week after next, and im getting my eyebrow pierced!

HOW COOL IS THAT! I think its pretty damn cool and am pretty happy about it. Hehe. Ok i should have left 20 minutes ago. Love you all lots! hugs to yas! Kiddie hugging so sweet. I got to ruffle their hair and everything, and if i did they would hold my hands and hug me and things. Their so affectionate! Just what i needed when ive been in the moods i have - i.e randomly affectionate.

Im glad im doing this, it will have really cute memories. It also gives me an overwhelming urge to hug random people and ruffle their hair, and i caught myself asking the cat who was at the door in a squeky voice, but hey pleasure and pain and all that! xxxx <3 xxxxx

Thank you terror, thank you dissilisionment, thank you frailty, thank you consequence, thankyou oh thankyou silence. How about me enjoying a moment for once?

You'll get older yeah, and you'll get stronger. It may take a week, and it may take longer. Gonna make it baby in our prime, get together one more time.

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