Ok so i better get on with this day. i should be writing in the w/e diary, but i dont think theres enough room. Copy a shortened version up later. Anyway. Emailed Mikey late last night which was really nice, cos his email was seriosly random which is....nice. Its a change from people who like to insult you anyway, whether they mean to or not of course.
Phee what a relief. Im gonna ramble like hell, a well needed break from reminding people what school i come from and what my name is readily puncutated with murmers of "good girl!" and "No come here, noooo rosaaaaa come baaackk dont cryyy nooo pleeeeaaaseeee dont be scared of me no no no...." Hehe. But it was fun. I think i have more wierd things to talk about now than ever before, a full and new day for sure, but by the end of the two weeks i think i will be dead. Oh well.
To start from the beginning would, of course, be logical. Got to the nursery at 8.25, rang bell, waited about 10 minutes and then old but nice looking woman emerges, remembers my name and greets me in the well educated yet soft tones of one more than used to dealing with unruly children. I resist the urge to sidle away with a dummy, and smile in what was, due to my nerves, probably more likely to be a death grimace. Oh well, no kiddies yet. Infact, no one there except me and the manager - jennie.
I stand nervously and refuse a nice hot drink, and then the staff appear and soon the kiddies follow. Jennie shows me the long rota of kids names and explain to me about everyone it seems who has ever entered the building. She expected me to remember the names? At that moment, i had already forgotten my own - much to my dismay when the worker asked me who i was again.
I will do a quick summery, more for my own memory than the interest of those reading. Gale and Lynn were the workers, with Karl as a helper (who seemed loathe to ask me to do anything at all, which was very annoying)
Rosa: Youngest there. Scared of me. Cries at me. Needs blanket and poobear at all times or else will cry like hell. Likes to hug everyone but me. Has vendeatta against me.
Sam 1: Large blonde kid with seriosly agressive temprament. I once put his jacket on, but he has tendancy to be...annoying.
Sam 2: Does everything sam 1 does as if a mirror, but is more sulky.
Isobel: Cute little kiddie who i played with al afternoon. Has some butterfly hairclips that keep falling out and a crochered white cardie she likes not to wear. Along with everything else, for that matter.
Amber: Tiny little girl with ginger hair. Constant snotty nose. Keeps bursting into tears, generally near me. Inconsolable.
Benji: Another little blonde kid. Fairly quiet and cute really.
Aidan: New kid today. Curly brown hair. Beckoned me all over playgroup to play with him. sweet.
Eloiuse: Oldest except for annie. Likes to play on swings and behave like an adult but responds well to baby talk except for an occasional funny look. Has pair of comfort binoculars she keeps losing and asking me to find for her (i swear its a ploy to make me go away!)
Eoin: Small fat young boy with constant whiffy nappy. Kinda annoying and meaty, but when grabbed long enough can be bearable.
Annie: Pretentious little 5 year old who thinks shes an adult. Terminally annoyiong when not at school, but can be useful in getting eloiise off swings.
Liberty: Small girl with huge dark brown eyes. Avoids me. Has tendancy to take all her clothes off without warning.
I think ive got them all then. I swear i have forgotten one, but oh well. So yes. After waving and smiling to all the parents, its time to drag the kiddies off to playgroup. "Go hold emmas hand!" encorages Lynn to rosa, who looks at me and quivers before threatening to cry and sidling up to lynn. I am delegated to the larger buggy, which is presently filled with Amber who eyes me. We walk down the street to playgroup, and i try to steer in a average straight line and try not to concus the little thing when we go down the steep curving steps to playgroup. Someone really needs to invent buggies that TURN CORNERS.
Get to playgroup and a few more kiddies await us along with Karl and a lot of toys. Kiddies spread out to investigate and after pleadingly asking Lynn what to do she takes pity on me "Just play with something near them, and they will come and take it off you." So i spot Aidan and Rosa at the 'rice pit' (dont ask) so sidle over and poke about in the rice.
Two hours later i have rice under my finger nails. Rosa still refuses to come near me and i have given up trying to befriend her, settling instead for avoiding her like the plague. Aidan meanwhile jumps from toy to toy, obeys my every suggestion and if i dont follow him waves at me and beckons. While still trying to figure out what a certain one of his kitchen toys actually WAS, tea break is called. The juice is poured and despite Aidens frequent scoldings for getting up (namely, it seemed, to smile uncertainly at me) it all goes pretty well. Lynn gives me a hot chocolate, Karl offers me a biscuit (i swear he is mocking meeeeee) and time passes.
The toys are changed. I beg what to do and Lynn suggest "Why dont you clear up the lego? It can go in those boxes on the stage" Oh, did i forget to mention we seemed to be in a minauture theatre? I start to tidy lego and Karl turns "Oh you dont need to put that away." i freeze uncertainly and Lynn saves me by coming back. "I just told her to!" Karl shrugs and grins. "Shes the boss!" he answers my unspoken question, and i pour some more lego into the box.
New toys are set out and the slide is one of them. This seems to be a old cclothes dryer with a plank attatched to it, and seems just as safe. When Karl and Lynn have stopped supervising it, i sidle nearest to look busy since all the kiddies seemed to be managing just fine to play without me. I lift a few kiddies on the slide, watch benji slide down forwards (i thought it sounded dangerous, but the staff thought it was funny so hey) and so on. Isobel comes over and complains about her cute butterfly hairclips. She then pulls them out and gives them to me, so i kidnap her to try and put them back in. Hmmm.
Suddenly, shock horror, i blink and Amber is on the floor. She had been trying to climb the slide and had tumbled from the bottom step. There is a frozen pause, and then she screams. I hurry down, glance around for anyone to rescue me - but no one has noticed. I try to tug her upright but she is floppy as a doll, so i wrap my arms around her and hold onto her as tight as i can, making senseless shushing noises, trying to ignore the fact i can see her nappy and edging towards a seat. I sit down, sandwich her on my lap and hug her.
About 20 minutes go by, and each time she seems to be slowing down in her sobs she crys "mama!" and screams even more passionately. I have run out of tissues by now (she had a snotty nose already for gods sake, this is tissue hell!) so settled for wiping her tears across her face instead. Eventually she quiets, although i begin to suspect this is more due to the fact i gave up and put her down than to any of my comforting skills.
She wanders off, i sigh - somewhat shaken, and there is a scream and more sobs as she bites benji. She is dragged off, and Benji is towed away to be noted down in the accident record book. I am consigned to helping somone make bead neckacles (i think it was isobel) and trying to pry the sams away from the water container. Failure. Isobel gets bored and sam ignores me, so i drag him away instead and plonk him down somewhere else. Its time to pack up, finally.
I leave for one second to put some plastic animals in the storage cupboard (i didnt have a clue where it was mind you) and when i come back the floor is empty and there are three children crying. One is amber, another is liberty, and a third is sam 1 who i think does it out of guilt more than anything. Liberty doesnt seem too frantic, so i walk over to amber who is stood in the middle of the room sobbing like her life depended on it. Pushing me away with cries of 'mama!' i settle for stroking her hair and smiling paindly to anyone who comes in. No one takes the hint, and when i give up and walk away Amber shuts up promptly. I begin to get slightly paranoid.
Its coat time, and i kidnap Isobel and try to redress her. it kinda works. The sam1 comes over all innocence and declares i need to help him put his jacket on. I do so obligingly.
On the return trip i am assigned the buggie with Aiden in who doesnt recognise me but hesitantly smiles anyway. I heave it up the stars, weave it down the street, wave to my mum and push it determindly inside the nursery. Lunch break.
Me and my mum dissapear to blakehead and i chat to alice about work. It is nice, i eat salad and nothing else, and begin to wonder how long one day can last. I return to work in time for the end of the lunchtime video. Aiden has been kidnapped by his mother, so i am sat like a stiff in a corner watching angelina the ballerina. Finally they are let out to a new array of toys (but not before a long consignment to the nursery room) and off they go.
I cant remember much. Fairly early on someone shoved a bottle of suncream at me and told me to grab a kid and apply it to any part i could hold still long enough. I stare after them in open mouthed dismay, and they pity me enough to call sam1 over. "Sam let me put some suncream on you!" i watch her determindly and then she calls liberty. This time i have to do it mysef, but manage well enough. Elouise is next and she is very nice in a childish way, showing me her scratch on her leg and exclaiming i must be very careful because it hurt.
Isobel next and i manage to get her hair stuck to her cheek, after five minutes of trying to pry it loose she gives me an expression of fond despair and deftly wipes it free. I sigh and go back to slathering factor 40 on their legs. Rosa refuses to be approached by me, and so does sam2, but the others i manage in a bewildered sucess. I sit around a bit watching, and at some point i discover Isobel has decided i need to be tied up.
She wraps a chain around my legs and tugs me towards the nursery. "Come on were going to prison!" i glance around for help, or at least some nice person to tell me what to do, but no one seems willing. I go to prison. She plonks me down on a chair and i try to hold onto the chain. She laughs and points out the plastic dinosaurs before heading for the door, but my piteous cries of "No dont leave me alone with the dinosaurs they are too scary!" must have been good enough because she moans "awww" and scoops the dinosaurs under a table. "I'll stay and keep you company then." she informs me.
I sidle up on my footstool chair and she sits next to me and we make out way through 5 kiddie stories. I try my hardest for gay voices and get my revenge by randomly asking her what things are and what color they are. That is as far as my imagination stretches. She goes to get a drink, instructing me to stay stay stay and wait for her. I do so and am rewarded by her exclaiming "Im tired." Before grabbing a book and curling up in my lap. I read, but i dont know if she listened.
Sweetness, she clings on and i wrap my arms around her and get a few fond looks from Lynn who occasionally pops in. Then i persuade Isobel to go outside and we retire to 'the rocket' better known as the wierd plastic contraption involing a slide and hideholes. After managing to convince the girl i really wouldnt fit inside, we play hide and seek (us vs the imaginary people outside) before she wanders off to water the plants.
She declares she is ill, fetches some doctors tools and mock-faints. I poke her with them for a bit and she decides i am feeble at being a doctor so instructs me to lie down. She then pokes me with a plastic needle, tells me she has cut my leg and all my hair off, and tries to stick a plastic chewed scalpel in my mouth.
It rains and there is a mad dash for the nursery. "Where do these go?" i ask of Karl in bewilderment as he yells at me to start tidying stuff away. "Good question! Doesnt matter, just go and make sure the kids dont poke each others eyes out!" he informs me in amused irritation. I wander in, find them all docile, and wander back out and start colecting cars. This time, i dont ask.
On my final return, Isobel wanders over and smiles at me, before wrapping herself around my legs in a hug. She doesnt even reach my waist, but i am touched and bend awkwardly to stroke her hair and pat her shoulders. She lifts her arms up and holds my hands and swings around for a bit and i am reminded how cute kiddies can be. She smiles, i hug her once more, and then she is off. I am alone again it seems.
Most of the kiddies are napping, the rain soon stops and i am found outside trying to interest Eoin in the cars. I have long since given up trying to push Eloiose on the swings (another thing isobel showed me how to do , it seemed) and annie has arrived and is telling everyone she knows what to do. I find it quite annoying but ignore it. Tea time it seems and they are all arranged with bowls. I am given some water and scrounge a few snack foods and poke them at the other kiddies. Oh, i forgot, there was half an hour of Rosa wailing since she had lost her blanket. The fact i didnt understand a word she said and had to go find jennie to help didnt do much for my confidence either. Finally she saw Karl, made a dash from me and shut up.
Dinner and everyone settles down to watch the disney version of 'the king and i' and the annoying birdie songs get in my head. It is very interesting though (at least it makes sense) and i try halfheartedly to stop Eoin abusing the other children with chairs. Finally they are leaving, and i wait in the dusky sunlight of half past five, stomach growling, prickled with chill.
Cute day. Very very long and very very new. But alltogether not unwelcome. Foodtime.
We will fight the heathens. I have a problem that i cannot explain. I have so many questions i cannot excuse. I have no reason to be this confused. i dont know how i feel, when im around you. You learn to fear the love, you learn to love the fear. These days are never ever coming back.